Archive | January, 2017

Eight reasons to never visit Deccan Epicure, #4 will make you laugh till you die

31 Jan



1. You will understand the real meaning of real food
Remember those foodies like Anthony Bourdain, Matt Preston, Nigella Lawson and all those people on masterchef Australia?
Know these words- pannacotta, onion blossoms, tempura, ribs, fondant, steak, tagine, soufflé, semi-freddo? If you had to google even a single one of the terms, this post is not for you, do not read ahead. Still reading? Alright then. Once you know these words and want to eat them (the real stuff) and you find it in one place in pune, will you ever be able to resist going back there?

2. You will be so spoilt by the customizations that they offer that you will expect all other restaurants to do so.
Cheese sandwich? Ok. Which cheese? Which bread? (huh? No one ever asked me that!) Butter, no butter, grilled not grilled, seasoned? And still when your child does not like the real cheddar sandwich, they give him processed cheese sandwich to make him happy and fed. You so don’t want to experience that!

3. The vegetarian menu will actually have choice.
You know what I mean? Real options for vegetarians. It is a thing, and it is possible. And no, it is not just paneer and aaloo. And when you get the dish you can actually see what all different vegetables have gone in. Now if that is not setting you up for failed expectations, then I don’t know what is!

4. The baker in you will get renewed hope and hence despair.
All the bakers in the house say aye! Now say even more loudly that you dread eating desserts at restaurants because you almost always know that you will be disappointed! If you eat the chocolate fondant, textbook classic pannacotta, salted caramel chocolate mousse, semi-freddo (yes, the one that Jamie loves. Don’t ask me who Jamie is, the food world will disown you) ; you will start hoping and hence trying desserts again. And you will curse yourself again. Don’t do it to yourself. We do not need such negativity in our deprived baked goodies eating out life.


5. You will suddenly be envious of your ghaas-phoos eating mate.
They make things like the mushroom cappuccino soup; deceptively call it the soup of the day, and then you end up dreaming of that veggie soup day-night and all hours beyond it. If I was asked my last soup wish, that soup would be it. No kidding. There’s that negativity I have been talking about all along, I am thinking of my last soup wish. What am I, all of 24? (plus 6,7,8)
Not to mention that every time I read the menu, my eyes keep darting towards the veg.lasagna that my father had ordered and I had stolen bits (bit too many) of; and I have to convince myself that no one will judge you as a lesser carnivore if you have a veg lasagna, mushroom soup and onion blossoms, and really really enjoy it.

6. You will be shocked to see the server know the menu.
I had once opted for the ‘make your own sandwich’ thing they have. I ll have Panini, roast chicken, peppers, mustard sauce, caramelized onions blah- blah I told the guy. He asked me, should I get you the signature chicken sandwich we used to make? (I had no idea of it, but I am too proud to admit it to him, so I agreed) Turns out, he gets me my gold standard of a chicken sandwich. One so tasty and so huge that I wish I was a professional bouncer to justify my appetite. Imagine a restaurant server being able to read your foodie mind? Sacrilege!


7. You are doomed if you are a food blogger.
No food blogger will tell you this, but we have an uncanny food memory. We do remember things like the taste of the mayo in the coleslaw, the degree of smokiness to the BBQ sauce, the lightness of the puff pastry, the wobble in a pannacotta/caramel custard etc. And, we have our own POCs (points of comparison) for that. Now imagine having a whole lot of your POCs coming from one place? What the eff would you write in your copy? Not as good as DE, DE makes it better, not up to the mark (the mark being DE). Just how ridiculous would that sound? So, don’t make the mistake that I did.

8. You will wish you were a cow.
I have wished I was a cow whenever I was eating at DE. I wish I could gobble down all the food that they offer and then keep bringing it back up for digestion purposes later, for a day or week. Would you ever want to eat at a place that makes you wish you were a cow cause everything on the menu sounds so tasty and may be you are so stuffed you could burst but, you would die of mortification if someone told you their cappuccino was very good and you had not tried it?

Does that make any sense at all? It does not. I rest my case. I am never going to eat at the Deccan Epicure again. Oh dear! They had to go and win the times food award? Really!! And then post sticky toffee puddings on their instagram? I hate them.




Note: All pictures courtesy The Deccan Epicure.


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